Use it or Lose it

When I was young and innocent and wanking over—I mean casually glancing at—some of the gay mags that got passed around, I thought “GSOH” in the contact ads meant “good standard of health.” By the way, if you think that means I’m old enough to be pre-internet, you could be wrong there.

There had been a trifling little contretemps about some of the websites I’d forgotten to delete from the browser history. And one or two emails ditto. (Why the hell didn't anybody tell me you have to use Control/Shift delete to get the things to vanish completely even on an Apple Mac? I thought that was only PC's. Oh, you didn't know that either? Well, I'd get busy if I were you.) Still, as we know, even adult American politicians can forget how to totally erase embarrassing emails about wanting to get a boy’s knickers off. Anyway, for a while it was back to old-fashioned paper and offfcially, instead of sexually, educational websites.

Why I thought that, I don’t know, unless it was some kind of subconscious nerviness about catching HIV/Aids or gonorrheia or syphilis, or just crabs. Ugh. (Found some in sa a mattress in a flat I rented once. Ugh. Again.) Eventually, of course, it dawned that it stood for “Good Sense of Humour”. For some reason it always seemed to be the older guys who claimed to have it. Maybe, I thought, us kids don’t need to tell anybody we have fun and can amuse ourselves. I knew it was reputed to get harder (well, softer, really, if you get me) as you got older, so maybe you had to advertise the fact that losing the knack hadn’t turned you into a really miserable sod. (-omite, possibly.)

I mention this, because I’ve found that among quite a few of these videochatters, or more accurately videomasturbators, a good (or even only average) sense of humour can be a bit lacking. I forget for the moment whether I’ve already told you about the milk carton episode, but that jeux d’esprit wasn’t appreciated, it turned out, and neither was my reply to another guy.

I’d just been left dangling—well, not dangling, well hard, actually—by a guy who’d wanted me to cavort about a bit and show him my tidy little erection from several angles.You get the picture. Well, you don’t but he did. Anyway, I was quite enjoying it, and then the screen went blank. Pretty obviously he’d come, but didn’t want me to see.

So there I was holdiing myself in suspense. I’d only just started to frown out of frustration —a pleasure shared, and all that—when another guy turned up. Seemed fit-ish, looking at the pic, nice hard-on at first sight, but the message was: “Like a hand with yours?” Silly idea: how the hell can hands really reach across cyberspace and grab you by the balls? (Unless it’s the feds after you for downloading kiddiporn of course.) Do you shrink your dick to the size of a straw and let the other guy suck it down the cable? The vision always makes me giggle. So I messaged back: “I can usually manage on my own, thanks!” Along with picture of still-glorious erection. Look! No hands! Oh, shit.

I was a bit slow there. Or rather I was a bit too quick. On a second look, that erection wasn’t actually all it seemed. That cock was not standing entirely of its own accord, or quite as rigid as I’d thought. My little joke—judging by the response—hit home a lot harder than I’d intended. You could say it hit a soft target, if you wanted. Now, I’ve come to realize how sensitive some of these older guys can be. I think I broadly had it sussed right when I was a kid after all. Except now I know that in this video game, just as I suspected it was in the ads, the “GSOH” is a lie.

They don’t half take this jerking off thing seriously, some of these guys. Mind you, I suppose when I’m older, maybe I’ll be scared about losing it too. “Use it or lose it”? Fuck it, I’ll just keep on using it. As often as I can, and as long as I can keep it up. My sense of humour, I mean. What did you think I was talking about?